Funny SmS Stories


BEFORE MARRIAGE

John – Ah… At last, I can hardly wait!!!
Jane – Do you want me to leave?
John – NO! Don’t even think about it.
Jane – Do you Love me???
John – Of course!!! Always have and always will
Jane – Have you ever cheated on me???
John – No! Why are you even asking???
Jane – Will you kiss me???
John – Every chance I get!!!
Jane – Will you hit me???
John – Hell no! Are you crazy?!?!
Jane – Can I trust you?
John – Yes
Jane – Darling!!!

AFTER MARRIAGE

Read from the bottom back to the TOP!!!

Honesty is the best policy….

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.”
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north AB out 9 months ago ?”

“Yes, I do.” said Bob

“Did you, ER, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”

“Well, um, yes!,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, “I have to admit that I did.”

“And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?”

Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?”

“She just died and left me everything.”

 DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eye got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license!

They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

Clever Girls

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: “You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you’ll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you’ll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I’ll open the door for you”

The boyfriend says: “Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?”

“Oh my God!! You’re not coming empty-handed, are you?”

Sardar and ducks

A sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks.

He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an honorary game warden who didn’t like sardars.

The game warden ordered the sardar to show his hunting license, and the sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin’ license, boy?”

The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Quebec duck. This duck’s from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?”

The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This here duck’s from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin’ license?”

Again the sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the sardar “Just where the hell are you from?”

The sardar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert.”.

To: My loving wife

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,

Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,

Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;

MORAL OF STORY – be careful while sending mails if not mishaps like these happen

Villager: Oru Thanni Bottle Kodunga

Kadaikarar: Anga irukku eduthukkonga…

Villager: Enna eamatha pakkuriya adhula “Bacteria Free”-nu
                pottirukkula, Kodu ennoda free Bacteria-yavai!!!

Kadaikarar: ???

Did you know…….. . Some interesting facts

A zebra is white with black stripes.

All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards.

Insects do not make noises with their voices. The noise of bees, mosquitoes and other buzzing insects is caused by rapidly moving their wings.

The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs covering a meter a second.

The word “listen ” contains the same letters as the word “silent”.

The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it’s head are the rabbit and the parrot.

A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

India invented the Number System . Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

The whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.

A hippopotamus can run faster than a man.

India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.

‘Hippopotomonstroses quippedaliophobi a’ is the fear of long words.

Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of going to school.

Phobatrivaphobia is a fear of trivia about phobias !!

It is impossible to lick your elbow. ( We know you gonna try this !!! )

A snail can sleep for 3 years. ( wow, lucky chap he ? )

The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start

In 1883 the explosion of the volcano Krakatoa put so much dust into the earth’s atmosphere that sunsets appeared green and the moon appeared blue around the world for almost two years.

“Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

Twenty-Four- Karat Gold is not pure gold since there is a small amount of copper in it. Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.

Electricity doesn’t move through a wire but through a field around the wire.

Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Say no evil ).

55 per cent of people yawn within 5 minutes of seeing someone else yawn. Reading about yawning makes most people yawn. Hello, zzzzz zzzz ?

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